Russian Roulette
by Checkerz
Summary: During a training exercise gone wrong, the team discover everything isn't all puppies, clouds and rainbows for their senior field agent. TRIGGER WARNING
1. You Can See My Heart Beating

**Chapter One-"You Can See My Heart Beating"**

**Black & White Poof**

The air exploded out of Kate's lungs as she hit the mat, hard. Gibbs had decided that the agents on his team needed special training that morning. Which mostly involved Kate getting her ass kicked.

Agent McGee had gone down without a fuss. If you count his face turning green and sweating a form of submission.

She had really smirked as that went down.

Gibbs really knew how to fight, she gave him that.

Of course, at this point, Kate would give the man anything...because she respected him as her boss! Nothing more. DiNozzo would tease her mercilessly if he got the slightest whiff of her thoughts.

When the ex-marine pinned her she gave in. Not that she hadn't given Gibbs her best. Remaining on the ground like this though would be easier for her in the long run.

Gibbs waited 30 seconds before letting her up.

Kate dusted off her pants with a flash of annoyance.

After climbing out of the boxing ring Gibbs patted his gloves together and said, "Dinozzo! You're up!"

She would really enjoy seeing him go down.

Kate gave her partner a competitive smirk as he passed, NCIS cap backwards. "On it boss!"

He climbed into the ring.

Agent McGee swallowed half of his water and joined Kate at her side. Tony patted his own boxing gloves and bounced around the older man. Not as a form of attack though, it was the idiot goofing around.

"Give me your best boss!"

Gibbs just shook his head and smiled, like the senior field agent really didn't know what he was getting himself into, "Dinozzo..."

The fight lasted 5 seconds flat before Tony was on the ground.

None of them had expected his reaction though.

Instead of giving in to the pin, Tony 's eyes glazed over.

They were also crazy, Kate noted.

He went berserk, to say the least.

Tony bucked and moved around under Gibbs like his life depended on it. He also started to panic. Badly.

Kate took a step forwards but Gibbs seemed to have it handled. The play boy was stronger than he looked, or else their boss wouldn't be having so much trouble holding him down.

"Tony!" She called out.

Damn, did he just try to bite her?

Gibbs grunted, "He can't hear you!" Another wild jerk and a responded push. Kate quickly backed off looking concerned. His cap had fallen off. Other agents in the gym gathered around to see the show. McGee watched frowning his own worries: The man had started to beg.

"PLEASE! Please! Get off! GET OFF!" Tony thrashed around some more, his teeth clashing together after Gibbs decided to put an iron grip on his jaw. Air escaped his lungs in short, repeative breathes. Damn, he was hyperventilating. And CRYING Kate noticed. What in the hell was wrong with him?!

"Dinozzo! Stop!" He ordered.

"Get ooofff!" Tony wailed.

"Then stop moving!"

That seemed to work. The younger agent went completely still and Gibbs gingerly climbed off, equally out of breathe.

After a moment Tony stood sheepishly, clearing his throat, face still red, "Sorry about that, Boss."

"What in the hell was 'that' Dinozzo?!" The former marine rounded in his face. Wow, still sheepish, Kate noted.

-"And if you say 'nothing' I swear to God I'll send your ass back to Baltimore right this second!"

Everyone in the room held their breathe.

..."I'll tell you later Boss."

Gibbs seemed to understand something on Tony 's face she didn't, but whatever it was made him say, "...Okay."

Her psych-profiling did however tell this whole thing was a triggered traumatic episode. From what she'd never know. Unless she got her partner hopelessly drunk, which didn't seem like a good idea from this stand point. Kate watched Tony walk out of the room, leaving everyone to explode into conversation and gossip.

Whatever just happened was a major cause for concern.

There was clearly something involving Agent Dinozzo's character they weren't dealing with. Gibbs would look out for him though. So would she. The naval agent types stuck together. Kate just hoped Tony would trust her enough to have his six.


	2. Pull The Trigger

**Chapter Two-"Pull The Trigger"**

**Black & White Poof**

Tony closed his eyes, his heart and stomach trembled.

Breathe. Just...breathe.

'_Gibbs would_ _never_ _hurt_ _you.'_

Sure, he gave them head slaps a lot but... that was just a strange way of showing affection...right?

Tony felt truly appalled he'd even consider something like that.

'_Trust Gibbs_,' he ordered. '_Trust him to have your six!'_

But that didn't stop the shaking.

"Pull it together," Tony breathed against his locker. Bounce back. Smile...SMILE YOU F##KING IDIOT!

"DiNozzo...what are you doing?"

Tony spun around to meet Gibbs gaze. It stared back into his soul with question.

A question he couldn't answer.

Tony did it anyway.

"R-regrouping Boss."

Gibbs threw a towel down, "Well regroup somewhere else, DiNozzo. This is a men's locker room."

He came forwards, challenging the younger agent to say otherwise.

Right, Tony swallowed. Its only been three years. Not enough time to spill your innermost secrets.

Gibbs stared at him. Silently, as the SFA shifted in awkwardness.

How did they even approach whatever had happened to him in training?

..."I've got your six, Boss." For some reason Tony felt an urgent need to reassure Gibbs of that.

That no matter what happened. No matter how f##ked up the situation was: the team would look out for each other.

"I know DiNozzo."

He felt like he should spill his secrets.

Tell Gibbs everything.

Tony just couldn't take that chance. One wrong move or display of weakness and the marine would be all over him.

'He's already doing that you sick f ##ot!' A voice inside of him said.

Tony's dull green eyes stared into space. At least he stopped shaking. Jethro took a step forwards and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Go home," he commanded softly.

Tony didn't respond.

Gibbs left to take a shower. More people started to wander in. Well..it WAS a men's locker room. Not exactly a place to reexamine your feelings.

Tony left, throwing his things into a black gym bag.

Eyes followed him across the office floor all the way to the elevator. Tony gave a mocking grin as the metal doors closed.

It felt like a shock rang through his gut.

**Author's Note: Thank you to my two lovely reviewers! I had planned originally for it to be a one shot but I couldn't disappoint. If the f-bombs offended y'all I'm sorry. That wasn't my intention. **


	3. Sweating Bullets

**Chapter Three-"Sweating Bullets"**

**Black & White Poof**

McGee neurotically pressed the elevator button a hundred times over.

Whoever kept hitting the emergency break was driving him crazy.

He swore and continued the mechanical abuse.

"What are you stressing out about over there Probie?"

..._Probie?_

"_Tony?_" Tim spun around to see the senior field agent at his desk working. "What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since Tuesday,"

He walked over to him.

Tony looked a little sheepish, "Took a few days off, no big deal."

"You're kidding. Have you slept at all?" The tech geek noticed dark circles underneath his eyes.

"...Define sleeping."

"_Pillow. Night Night Tony_."

The other agent swiveled in his chair, putting files away, "No then I haven't slept at all."

McGee frowned, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Silence. Then, "I feel we just did."

The elevator doors finally opened and Tim spun around again, "Oh thank G#d!"

Special Agents Todd and Gibbs stepped out.

They looked pretty serious.

He stopped and stared, trying to figure out what had happened.

"What are you doing just standing there McGee? Get to work." Gibbs ordered as he walked past.

"I-I was just about to take some stuff down to Abby...Boss," Tim stammered.

Kate approached him.

"What was that all about?" He asked her.

"...We were just talking about Agent Dinozzo," she admitted.

McGee gave another frown, "Have you talked TO Tony?"

She laughed. (No joke. She actually laughed.)

"You won't get anything from him if you just ASK, McGee."

"Seems to me you're just avoiding the issue."

"Trust me," Kate confirmed. "It's being handled."

"By who? By Gibbs?" Tim's eyebrows raised.

"Believe it or not the man knows what he's doing."

McGee gave it a second before he said, "Alright..."

"What were you going to take down to Abby?"

"Um, some evidence from our John Doe case."

"Lead the way."

McGee gave her a strange look, "Okay.."

They got back in the elevator.

**SPACE-SPACE-SPACING-WE-LOVE-SPACING-SO-MUCH**

"MCGEE!" Abby practically bowled him over. "How's Tony?"

Got right to the point.

"Umm," Tim wasn't quite sure how to answer that question.

Kate supplied it for him, "He's feeling a little better."

"That's good! Everyone said he had a nasty case of the flu," she danced around nervously as she said this.

Like she wasn't quite sure if it was true.

McGee suddenly had an idea. "Abby...do you think there's anyway we could hack into someone's psych evaluation?"

The goth scientist smiled mischievously, "I don't know McGee...it depends. Whose are we hacking into?"

"Agent DiNozzo's."

Kate looked surprised, "Are you sure we can do it without Gibbs finding out?"

"Just leave it to Doctor Abby," her eyes glittered.

**SPACE-SPACE-SPACING-WE-LOVE-SPACING-SO-MUCH**

Tony walked down to Abby's lab to see where everybody had gone.

He heard laughter.

He found Kate, McGee and Abby huddled around one of her computers. There was some light swearing involved.

"Oh. My. G#D! TONY!" Abby swiveled around in her chair to meet Tony's gaze.

HOW she knew he was there he had no idea.

"I thought you said you were a jock!"

He glanced around nervously, "...I was."

Kate's eyebrows raised, she was smirking. "Oh really? How do you explain this then?"

Tony looked at the photo in question.

His face paled.

_Oh G#d_.

_Oh no...no no no_.

The other NCIS agents laughed.

It was a picture of him in the 9th grade.

Wearing a chained choke collar, black clothing and dark eye make up.

_It was Goth Tony_.

_How the f##k did they get their hands on it?_

"No need to swear," Abby tutted.

Had he said that out loud?

"You did."

Today was NOT his day.

"So Tony...what do have to say for yourself?" The forensic scientist asked.

"It was a passing phase Abby!" He exploded. "Very passing!"

"-So is your job DiNozzo." Gibbs walked in.

_Sh#t_.

"Boss! I was just.." Tony folded at the older man's piercing gaze.

He couldn't finish so, blushing a deep red, he walked quickly out of the lab.

"Boss!" McGee stood up. "There was something I needed to ask you."

"Ask me _what_ McGee?"

The younger agent tried not to stammer, "It's about Tony."

There was no reply so he continued, "He's...been acting weird. And...I'm concerned about him."

Jethro looked at the computer, "Yeah, I can see that."

"That was...never mind. I just needed to talk to you about...talking to Tony."

"I have it handled McGee," he tried to leave.

Tim spoke up, "DO YOU have it handled?" When his boss whipped around and gave him the famous "**Gibbs Glare Version 1**" he nearly wet his pants. "I-I mean...Boss?"

"Get it together, McGee," Gibbs whispered.

"Right," to be honest he felt a little green. "Let me talk to him. I think I could provide a little support."

Tim flinched as the ex-marine gave him a once over.

"Stick to computers McGee, it's what you're good at." This time he did leave.

McGee swallowed.

"WOW MCGEE!" Abby cheered. "You totally faced down Gibbs!"

Kate agreed, "You actually grew a pair."

He leaned over, sweating, "I'm gonna throw up."

"Oo! Bucket! Bucket!"

**SPACE-SPACE-SPACING-WE-LOVE-IT-SO-MUCHO**

At the end of the day, when the case was over, McGee juggled his keys heading for the elevator. Tony was still at his desk typing. Everyone else had gone home.

"Hey...Tony..." he tried to think about what to say.

"McGee.." the other agent never looked up.

"You going home or..."

"Give me a second Tim and I'll head out with you."

Wow. _Tim_. His eyebrows shot up.

He waited.

Tony logged out of his computer and grabbed his gear.

They walked side by side.

The elevator doors closed.

Neither of them spoke.

McGee reached out and hit the emergency break.

It stopped.

"Tony, there's something I have to get off my chest."

"As long as it's not your shirt Probie."

"Tony," McGee sighed.

"That IS my name, try not to wear it out."

"What happened that day in the gym?" Tim burst out.

The ex-cop exhaled carefully, his green eyes expressive. "Nothing."

McGee looked like he'd been slapped. "NOTHING?' You expect me to believe THAT was 'NOTHING?"

"Your hearing's not as good as you think McTimmy."

That made him feel exasperated, "STOP."

"Stop WHAT?" Tony snapped.

"Stop deflecting."

He grabbed Tony's wrist as he reached for the switch.

The SFA stared at him, extremely offended. "Let go of my arm...PROBIE."

It was a warning.

Something he usually didn't hear in the man.

McGee still didn't release him.

He saw stars as Tony suddenly slammed him into the elevator wall. He managed to say, "I don't want to fight you Tony."

"Good. It's not a fight if you can't keep up Probie."

Tim struggled as Tony peeled him off the wall so he could slam him into the floor.

McGee snaked a leg around the other agent's before he could and they both went down.

Hard.

He had trouble breathing.

Tony punched him.

He kneed him in the nuts.

Tony wheezed and elbowed McGee in the sternum. Who responded by slapping him. Tony blinked, stunned.

"...Did you just slap me McGee?"

"...Yes...it's a common first line of defense, okay?"

"Maybe for a woman."

"Hey!" Tim let out a puff of air, do to DiNozzo currently being on top of him. "I've known plenty of women who can deliver a mean right hook."

"Jealous, Probie?"

The younger man kicked him in the stomach.

Tony cried out in pain and rolled off.

McGee jumped up and waited for him to stand, who was still red in the face.

"WHAT?!" Tony finally snapped. "WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY MCGEE?!"

He took a daring step forwards, "What happened?"

Tony looked at him in wild disbelief.

"WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! MAYBE BECAUSE YOU'RE MY PARTNER!"

"WE AREN'T PARTNERS TIM!"

"YES, WE ARE!"

"FORGET IT!" Tony screamed.

He doesn't know how he did it, but the Probie somehow managed to put him in a headlock. Tony felt a rise of panic in his throat. His entire frame trembled. "Get the f##k off me Pr-" he couldn't breathe.

"You have to calm down Tony."

"Gah! You can-" dots invaded his vision.

He saw flashes of blonde hair. Laughter. A warm smile. Tony went limp. He saw his mother.

He tried to listen to the memory, "_I-I-I l-love yo-ou Tony-y_." The sounds he was hearing became more focused, "_I LOVE YOU_."

Another flash of her hair.

_Mom_...

("_Tony!_" McGee tried)

He saw her die.

He remembered the day it happened.

They watched movies together in her hospital room. **TO CATCH A THIEF** was the last one she ever saw. Little Anthony DiNozzo had fallen asleep next to her when he was awoken by alarms blaring.

He remembered screaming.

Screaming as the nurses dragged him away and he never saw her face again.

He remembered how heartbroken his father was. To the point of being driven over the edge.

Senior held him down, beating him with his belt.

Tony felt the memory. Arms pulled behind him, face in his mattress as Senior punished him for destroying his white Armani snow jacket. He **hated** Halloween.

Tony's eyes closed as tears tracked down his cheeks. He dropped to the floor on his knees. Tim followed, still holding a loose arm around his neck.

The beating he got for that was the most attention he had ever gotten from the man.

Tony crumpled against McGee and cried.

"It's okay Tony..._you're okay_."

**Author Notes: This chapter was a lot longer so I hope I didn't break my rhythm. Honestly the flow felt painful, not sure if that's just me or not. Right ok.**

**NCIS fan- I noticed that to. It honestly bugs me but I suspected he was just being Gibbs. I think he knew not saying anything might get him to talk and it almost worked. Almost. So he was still there for him. **

**kibbsalways-I had not planned on shipping Kibbs but I have thrown a few bones for that ship. You just have to decide that's what happend. Like the alone time in the elevator ;) Oh, and Tate friendship is a must**

**Gibbsgirl24 and Guest-Thank you so much! I'm glad you think so ^.^ I hope I didn't mess up in this chapter. I kinda felt like I did**


	4. Semper Fidelis

**Authors Notes: Semper Fi to all my lovely reviewers, I'm going to put my responses at the top, if that's alright :)**

**DS2010-Don't worry, serious Probie whumpage is ahead**

**NCIS fan-I think it's a mix between A and B**

**Victoriatealady-agreed**

**Holly70sgirl and Malesia-thank you! ^.^**

**ShadowsWolfsFables-Thank you for your review, it spurred a few chapters ahead. Although Kate never did a psych profile? And I like Gibbs too ;)**

**earthdragon-I thought the whole Goth Tony thing was pretty funny and for them to not laugh seems out if character if ya know what I mean. And thank you so much, your Tim comment gave me some pretty juicy ideas, Enjoy!**

**Chapter Four-"Semper Fidelis"**

Tony sat in the corner office with a NCIS sanctioned shrink.

His heart pounded against his rib cage.

_Just keep your cool DiNozzo_.

"I can't tell them."

"Why can't you tell them?"

Ahh that big question.

"Because they would see me differently."

The woman nodded and asked, "How do you think they see you now?"

"As someone whose not afraid."

"Everyone feels afraid."

His glazed over green eyes gave her room for more input.

"_Tony_...do you see fear itself as a bad thing? Or is there something you're afraid _of_ you don't want them seeing?"

"I just don't want them to think I'm that guy!" He laughed.

"What guy?"

"Someone who's..." Tony sighed. "Affected by things that happen. Someone who doesn't enjoy life and smell the freaking roses."

His eyes once again faded off.

This time growing sad.

"...Someone who forgets how to laugh. Who doesn't let go when his partner turns on him..."

"Like how _your_ partner turned on _you_."

He flinched.

"...I was a cop in Baltimore at the time."

She tapped a number 2 pencil rhythmically against her notepad, "Are you afraid your new partners will turn on you?"

The question caught him off guard, "W-what?"

"Are. You. Afraid...your new partners will turn on you?"

Tony felt like someone shot him.

He keeled back.

_Did he..._

Shock coursed through DiNozzo head to toe.

His psychiatrist sighed.

"Here's a better question: do you trust your partners to _not_ betray you?'

Tony looked at his team outside the closed off office.

He saw McGee.

Kate.

...Gibbs.

Could he trust them?

All of this boiled down to one final answer.

**"No."**

After seeing her stunned expression he quickly added, "I-I mean except for Gibbs! If he asked me for my soul I would hand it to him!"

"I see...so you don't trust anyone other than Agent Gibbs?"

"I've trusted a lot of people ma'am...and they've all ended up breaking it."

"Like who?"

The senior field agent thought a moment.

"I trusted my father...to a point. I trusted my mother to always be there for me...I trusted friends in college. A fiancee I had once. I trusted my partner Danny Price...I've _tried_ trusting Kate and Probie."

She wrote something down.

And leaned forwards.

"Tony...a partnership like this is a very sacred bond. You have to trust a co-worker with everything you've got. If there is no trust (or even friendship) **a partnership will fail**."

He snapped up, "Special Agent Jethro Gibbs is my partner. I _do_ trust him with everything I've got! And there's no doubt he feels the same way!"

"Hmm...interesting. If Agent Gibbs trusted someone else...would you do the same?"

"I don't know," he gave a challenging nod. "I do know his gut is never wrong."

Her eyes never left him.

"...What do your instincts tell you?"

"...Trust my team."

"So what should you do?"

Tony shifted in his seat now very uncomfortable.

"Follow my instincts. They've never been wrong...except for a few times."

The naval psychiatrist noticed the change in attitude and said, "I think that's all for today."

_Finally_.

He put on a fake smile and jumped up to shake her hand, "Thank you, Doctor."

_**s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_**

McGee noticed the two shaking hands and frowned.

"What's Tony doing?"

Kate clipped on her gear and asked Gibbs, "Is he not coming with us?"

Their team leader sighed through his nose and said, "No. DiNozzo has other things to take care of."

Tony came out of the small room and his eyes met Tim's.

Something flashed between them.

It disappeared leaving Kate to wonder if she'd just imagined the whole thing.

He quickly walked away.

"Lets go Agent Todd," Gibbs told her.

She got in the elevator, putting her cap on straight.

The doors closed.

It was silent on the way down.

...Did he not trust her?

_Tony_.

They fought like siblings _constantly_ but Kate had secretly grown to care about the senior field agent.

Despite his X-rated childish antics.

She thought they almost had a thing going.

She flashed back to a few weeks ago.

**"Oh, so because I grew up with money, that somehow makes me bad. Very deep." **

**"It's better than having to work every day like my dad had to," Kate replied flippantly. **

**Tony whipped around to bite her head off, "Listen, you think money makes life easier, huh? That everything was just a big ol' cakewalk for little Anthony DiNozzo? You tell me, Kate, because I really wanna know!"**

Did she truly understand her partner?

Gibbs finally moved behind McGee and whispered, "..._I know what you did_."

The elevator stopped.


	5. Like A Shotgun Needs An Outcome

**Author Notes: Sorry for taking so long to update, whoo! Over 6,500 views. Thank you so much!**

**ShadowWolfsFables-Loved your review and don't worry about the PM I sent you :)**

**earthdragon- What's PC? And thank you so much for reviewing XD Gibbs will talk to McGee about what he did in the next chapter.**

**DS2010-I agree**

**FollowTheReaper-I had the same reaction**

**2Hot4Stuff-Thank you kind sir or lady **

**I hope you enjoy :)**

**No Slash, none.**

**Chapter Five-"Like A Shotgun Needs An Outcome"**

Leroy Jethro Gibbs foot slammed down on the gas.

They were headed to a crime scene outside of city limits.

His driving was making due record time.

Special Agent Tim McGee ralfed in the back seat.

_He smiled_.

"_Gibbs?_!" Agent Todd cried out and nearly fell over.

An impressive feat to accomplish with a seatbelt on.

He made another sharp turn.

She screamed and clung on for dear life.

**9 hours earlier...**

Jethro heard a knock at his front door.

The only person crazy enough to do that at 2 a.m was Anthony DiNozzo.

The door opened.

"Boss," his eyes pleaded. "We need to talk."

**s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_**

He handed the younger field agent a beer as he sanded his mark onto Gibbs boat.

"Thanks Boss," Tony accepted the cool beverage graciously. "I've been meaning to talk to you about this for awhile now."

Jethro leaned back casually, "Have you?"

"Yeah..." Tony almost looked ashamed. He took a moment before continuing, "I just talked with Probie. He seems to think I bottle away all my emotions."

A half-hearted chuckle drenched in worry.

Gibbs tried not to pick up his phone and fire McGee's ass right this second.

"So!" He leaned forwards, clapping his hands awkwardly, "Time to come clean."

Jethro just listened.

"My life...was not...a cakewalk Boss. It had its up and downs but mostly it was a pile of poo," Tony crinkled his nose at the thought. "My dad was always away on business trips, my mother used to dress me up as a sailor and lock me in a dark room with a canopy bed full of vampires. She drank my sea monkeys because she thought it was her mint julep." Then he out right laughed, "She was off her rocker Boss! Doctors diagnosed her with acute paranoia. She spent half her time acting unbelievably insane and the other drinking away the liquor cabinet!"

DiNozzo apparently thought it was funny.

"When she took her meds we got along swell. But it's not like I had any opportunity to see her! Senior kept shipping me off to boarding school after boarding school. Right before she died I used to watch movies with her. Mom did love the good ol' black and whites." Tony smiled.

"What happened?" Gibbs asked.

"She got sick," he said. "And I don't mean mental deterioration. Senior brought her back from Spain one year and that was it. That's when we knew. The doctors said she couldn't make it for much longer."

They sat in silence.

After a few minutes Tony finally said, "To be honest be both kinda lost it after that. Senior and I. Her dying just...sent us down a dark hole neither of us could get out of." His eyes looked troubled.

"Did he...?" _lay a hand on you? _

"...Yeah."

"How rough?"

Tony's frame shook a little.

It answered his question.

"I got what I always wanted though. Senior finally acknowledged my existence. Just not in the way I had hoped."

Both seemed lost in different worlds when Gibbs finally stood to his achy knees and said, "Lets go."

Tony jumped up in eager curiosity, "Where are we going, Boss?"

"Back to the source DiNozzo."

"Long Island?"

"_NCIS_."

**_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_**

The boxing ring.

_Of course_.

Tony stepped back into the ring, both he and Gibbs wearing their designated gym clothing.

It was pitch black except for the one blinding light above them.

You could see a man's sweat and fear this way.

**"Get ooofff!" Tony wailed.**

**"Then stop moving!"**

He exhaled shakily at the memory.

Not Anthony D. DiNozzo's finest moment.

Gibbs stepped in front of him, patting blue gloves. "You ready?"

_It's not fear that's the problem. _

_It's what you do with it_, he reminded himself.

Calm down.

Take a deep breath.

Tony looked up a whole new man, eyes dark and determined.

"_Ready_."

Gibbs gestured towards himself, "Hit me."

He swung.

The ex-marine grabbed Tony's arm and bent it behind his back.

"_Ah_! _Uncle!_ Uncle, Boss."

"Nope. Not what I wanna hear DiNozzo," Jethro released him.

The kid nodded, starting to bounce up and down. Ready to fight back.

Gibbs smiled shaking his head, teeth showing.

_Taught him well_.

Tony watched him carefully, moving around in circles.

Red gloves guarded his face.

After letting him get a few good scuffs in, Jethro threw him to the ground.

His senior field agent looked positively rattled.

He thought Tony was too shook up to attack but he did.

A long leg swung out sending Gibbs to the mat on top of him.

A punch hit him square in the face.

_Jethro saw stars_.

On instinct, he threw his fists into DiNozzo's rib cage.

Which knocked the breath out of him.

Tony wheezed and his entire frame began to tremble.

Gibbs knew the younger man was quickly veering into a traumatic memory lane.

He had to stop it.

"DiNozzo!" No reply. He smacked him upside the head, "**Hey!** DiNozzo!"

Tony eyes went wild.

_He didn't understand_...

How could he take on killer after killer and come out on the other end of each fight totally and completely fine?

Why now?

Why had it all come back up 10 years later?

Tony felt paralyzed whenever Gibbs attacked him.

Then it finally dawned on him.

_...it was Gibbs_.

His boss was the trigger.

Suddenly he saw Senior sitting on top of him, hitting him into submission.

"_Tony!"_

He tried to crawl away.

He tried to do anything but lie there and pathetically take a beating.

Oh God!

Tears fell from his eyes to his ears.

_Please_ **please** _stop!_ He mentally begged.

Gibbs got off of him.

The whole situation seemed sickly familiar.

Tony felt startled when he was pulled into a hug.

It snapped him back to reality.

"B-boss?"

Jethro just uncharacteristically held the younger man and rocked him back in forth.

Tony, uncertain how he felt about what was happening, just let himself melt into it.

Green eyes still panicked.

Neither of them spoke.

And they didn't have to.

Whatever problems they faced they could fix together.

DiNozzo just needed to confront his demons.

**Present time...**

_Long Island, New York_

Thunder rumbled as rain splattered down on the Long Island grave yard.

Grey clouds completely filled the sky.

Tony stepped forwards and placed a bouquet of pink flowers on his mothers grave.

He read the engraved description on her headstone: _Elizabeth Mary DiNozzo Born: April 1st 1946 Died: October 8th 1978_

Swallowing thickly, he tried not to remember her last moment with him, but all the best ones they had together.

_James Bond..._

Boy did she love that guy.

Not nearly as much as she loved John Wayne but who could honestly compare the two?

Tony knelt down on his haunches staring silently.

Full of regret that they never had the relationship he would of liked them to.

Then again, it was the best it could've been considering the circumstances.

Her being crazy and Little Anthony Dinozzo being gone all the time.

Rain pelted his styled mane until laid flat against his forehead.

He couldn't honestly remember the last time he had been in Long Island.

But it had been a _very_ long time.

Perhaps when he got sent to the Rhode Island Military Academy at age 15.

Tony let out a long, cathartic exhale.

The past couldn't be changed, but there were second chances.

Chances that people got every single second of every single day.

Chances people often overlooked with their obsession of the future or past.

Gibbs had helped him get over a stumbling block in his career and personal life.

Panic attacks weren't really useful out on the field.

McNosy-McProbie had tried to help the other night in the elevator but his people skills could really use some work.

His problems weren't a computer virus.

Violence couldn't fix it.

Pills couldn't fix it.

Time obviously did squat for him.

Maybe Gibbs and the others could be what he needed to move on.

Put in some roots and become apart of a family for once.

This lone wolf thing put a damper on the whole team effort Gibbs had going.

He was only 33 after all.

He could change.

Tony smiled wide.

He flipped an umbrella open when his cell phone rang.

"Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, how may I direct your call?"

_"TONY!"_

"Abby?" He frowned, the goth sounded very worried.

Actually she sounded terrified.

"_YOU HAVE TO COME BACK TO DC RIGHT NOW!"_

He cringed and pulled the phone back away from his ear abit, "Abby, Gibbs gave me the rest of the day off-"

"_GIBBS ISN'T ANSWERING MY CALLS TONY_," She explained. "_Gibbs_ always _picks up_. _Rule number 3!"_

"-Always be available," he mumbled, thoughts racing. "Okay, Abby, just calm down, have you tried getting a hold of McGee or K-"

"_NO_! _They were with him and their not picking up either, you have_ _to come back_ now _Tony!"_

He was already walking back to his rental, keys in hand. "How long have they been missing Abby?"

_"Since 11 o clock this morning. They left to go solve a case_ _with a real-life Hannibal Lector and-_"

"Whoa Whoa Abs! Hannibal Lector?" Tony's heart flew out and stopped dead.

The forensic scientist voice trembled over the line, "_Tony...I think Gibbs, Kate and McGee were kidnapped_ _by a real life cannibal_."

"..."

Then, "I'm on my way."

**Black & White Poof**


	6. Note From The Author

**I'm sorry to say I am unhappy with the way "Russian Roulette" has turned out.**

**I only intended for it to be a one shot in the first place, but everyone loved it so much I had to continue.**

**But after writing chapters six and seven I decided to re-write the entire thing.**

**I shall keep chapter one and most of chapter two.**

**If I can I'll try and bring back the elevator scene between Tim and Tony.**

**I want to thank you for all of y'alls kind support and encouragement.**

**I'm considering taking odd moments from NCIS where you think Tony had a rough childhood or is a big ol softy on the inside and exploring those moments in one shots.**

**I'd like going in order of the season's meaning if it kept on going Ziva would enter the scene eventually.**

**I would also do independent one shots of AUs, off screen moments or something that we haven't seen in continuity.**

**If you disagree with any of this let me know in the reviews.**

**If you want me to keep this up and simply start over in another fic I will.**

**Again, thank you so much everyone, I'll see you on the other side ^.^**


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